You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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