My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
