mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
