this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
