dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
