She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
