is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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