i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize