i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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