Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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