You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
