How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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