Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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