did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
our cab driver is having phone sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
