PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
