I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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