oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize