i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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