I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
