he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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