my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My bed smells like the plague
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
