When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just found puke in my bra..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
