Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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