I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
