She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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