booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
