Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
