really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
