ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
