I hate all girls vehemently.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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