last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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