So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
