Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
