oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
