yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
