The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
