we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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