apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
