but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
