Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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