After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
