Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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