I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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