i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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