I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
