i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
