Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
