Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
3pm strippers are depressing
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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