I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
