it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
