we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize