im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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