who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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