and you said cock pushups were impossible
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
