tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
