I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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