the condom got lost in my hair
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
