if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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