You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
