The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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