you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
