Me. At least after what I've been through.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
