Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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