Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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