just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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