gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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