how can u be prego again
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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