Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
