I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
