it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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