just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
