Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
