Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize