Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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