New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
