sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
