i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
